“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”
~Mary Anne Radmacher
In speaking to clients, a common theme I hear regularly is how difficult it is to let go of the belief that they “should” be perfect. This unrealistic belief sets up expectations that are unattainable and leads to judgment, criticism, and disappointment in ourselves over and over again.
One client told me this week that she finds herself thinking if I can’t meditate every day then why even try. Another client told me her greatest challenge was not being able to maintain her self-nurturing practice and then feeling like a failure.
When beginning the process of cultivating a practice of self-nurturing, I encourage my clients to treat themselves gently. By setting an intention to be kind to yourself up front, you create the space to not have to be perfect.
When we are kind and gentle with ourselves we typically focus on what we did well, rather than where we fell short. We also tend to be more compassionate and forgiving of ourselves and open to the idea of trying again, rather than beating ourselves up for not being perfect.
What I love about cultivating any kind of practice is that there is no expectation of perfection in the process. Instead of getting it right, the focus is on the commitment and dedication to nurturing ourselves.
When you add an attitude of loving kindness to this perspective of practice, you will respond to not being perfect with understanding and compassion rather than judgment and shame.
This is a truly revolutionary concept for many of us and lays the foundation needed to develop the courage to not to be perfect! Imagine the burden that will be lifted off your shoulders when you let go of the idea that you have to be perfect when caring for yourself and that in doing so you are actually nurturing yourself.
It is my deep belief that the practice of self-nurturing is a joyful one, energizing and essential to living a rich and full life. If in the process you are also able to transform your expectations of needing to be perfect, then you will truly be able to connect authentically to your truth and beauty!
May you nurture the courage to be imperfect by being kind and compassionate to yourself and may you continue to nurture peace in the world from the inside out!
Sending you so much peace, love and gratitude,
Kelley Grimes, M.S.W.
Counselor, Author & Speaker
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Kelley this shows the importance of metime and making the time to meditate and start the day with practices that empower us . Thanks for the inspiration xxx
I totally agree that starting the day with practices that nurture and empower us is essential to having the courage to be imperfect Suzie. Thank you so much for highlighting your practices and their importance!
Kelly, this post speaks to my heart as my word of intention and focus this year is NURTURE. Expecting to be perfect doesn’t just lead to judgement, it is paralyzing. I love your call to be kind and gentle with ourselves.
I love that your word is nurture Rachel and that you are being kind and gentle with yourself. Perfectionism definitely leads to judgment because it is unattainable and such a set up to feel less than. I look forward to hearing more about how you are nurturing yourself this year!
Thank you, dear Kelley, for doing this important work. So many of us are infected with the belief that we ‘should’ be this or that, or other than what we are. We are all on the path of unlearning those old stories and finding our authentic magnificence!
I love your wisdom that we are unlearning old stories and finding our authentic magnificence! I totally agree and giving up the belief our perfection is a powerful story to unlearn! Thank you so much for sharing your authentic magnificence Reba!
Thank you Kelley for this supportive article as I still struggle with the pattern of perfectionism. Even today I’m employing some of your suggested strategies as I write my blogs. xo
I love that you called it a pattern of perfectionism Debra. Just like a pattern or habit of self-neglect, perfectionism is a cycle that undermines our peace of mind, belief in ourselves and ability to be kind and compassionate to ourselves and others. I am so glad you the blog supportive. Thank you so much!
Kelley, I love this. The quote at the top really moves me. This as well: “What I love about cultivating any kind of practice is that there is no expectation of perfection in the process. Instead of getting it right, the focus is on the commitment and dedication to nurturing ourselves.”
Thank you so much Sue! I love the word cultivating because it highlights an active process not an end result. When we release ourselves of the expectation to be perfect, we can allow our experience to unfold more naturally and authentically. I really appreciate your comment!
There’s a song I heard years ago at First Unity Church in St. Pete called “Don’t Should on Me.” This reminded me of that tune.
Don’t should on me is a fabulous reminder to move out of “have to” into “choose to”. When we feel more empowered we are able to have the courage to be imperfect and recognize we are learning and growing. Thank you so much for your comment Lori!
Just like we learned about parenting…. sometimes “good enough” is good enough! Thank you.
Ah if we only treated ourselves with the kindness we give our children or other people Andrea. Parenting is such an important place to demonstrate our courage to be imperfect and model that for our kids so that they can be kinder and more compassionate to themselves. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thank you!
Kelley this really resonated with me – it was just what I needed to her today. We all have space for growth and improvement, but right here and now we can only strive to be the best we can be in that moment. At that will always be enough.
Thank you for the reminder
I am so glad you found what you needed to hear hear today Lottie! Having the courage to be imperfect is a reminder I need to hear every day as I continue to stretch and grow. Thank you so much!
Loved this post and especially loved the quote. I have one that sits next to my desk which says, “Today, I begin again.” Davidji always says, “Start from where you are.” I think that’s great advice!
I love the wisdom, “Today, I begin again.” That reminds me of one of my mantra’s when I was learning to meditate, “Breathe and start again.” Powerful wisdom I will integrate into my day! Thank you Barb for sharing!
I love your gentle and kind suggestions here Kelley! There is a societal need to strive fro perfection in all of us…but I’ve realized over time, that happiness doesn’t come from striving for perfection. Happiness comes from doing the best we can in any given moment. That is all that matter.
I often tell people, perfection is a myth and a mirage in a desert 🙂
xoxo, Z~
You are so right Zeenat – perfection is a myth, a mirage and an illusion but such a powerful driver. I love that you encourage people to open to the idea that happiness comes from doing the best we can in any given moment and giving ourselves credit for that. Focusing on our strengths rather than our deficits is so very important in the process of letting go of perfectionism. Thank you so much for your comment!