The Healing Power of Self-Compassion

“Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.”
—Tara Brach

 

Over the last week I have been preparing to file my taxes and facing my financial anxiety head on. To prevent feeling the overwhelm of this anxiety in the past, I found many ways to avoid my financial reality. Over the last year I have taken empowered steps to remedy this unhealthy pattern and raise my financial self-awareness. In addition, I have deepened my capacity for self-compassion, which has transformed everything.

 

Over the years thinking about my finances would often cause major stress in my life and trigger shame and grief about my choices or the debt we had as a result of our daughter’s chronic health challenges.

 

When I made a financial mistake, like paying a bill late, overlooking an expense, or not being able to pay off my credit card, I would see this mistake as more evidence of my unworthiness. I would often react by blaming and shaming myself or worse blaming my husband. I found my self-talk would be critical and judgmental, which further undermined my confidence and self-worth.

 

In the past, I definitely did not treat myself the way I would treat a friend if they made the same mistake, but this time it was different. Over the course of preparing to file my taxes, I found an expense I did not know I was being charged for the past six months. Immediately my embarrassment and shame was triggered but instead of reacting, I noticed my distress instead. I was able to name what I was experiencing and nurture myself through the discomfort.

 

I choose to respond to myself with self-compassion right away and it transformed the experience completely.

 

The power of self-compassion is that it is invites you to love yourself just as you are and supports you in owning and accepting all of who you are. As a result you can forgive yourself when you make a mistake instead of rejecting yourself or aspects of yourself.

 

There are so many benefits to treating ourselves with kindness and compassion including decreasing stress, increasing peace of mind and improving our overall health and wellness. How we treat ourselves also informs how others treat us. When we choose to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion, we teach others by our example and the ripple effects are endless.

 

From this place of self-compassion, we can transform our feelings of unworthiness. When we choose to be kind to ourselves, we reinforce our value and self-worth. With each act of self-compassion, we reinforce our worthiness and nurture inner peace and self-acceptance.

 

With a practice of self-compassion, we can transform negative thinking and create peace of mind at any time. Self-compassion is a deeply self-nurturing act and reinforces our worth and value with each compassionate response.

 

How often do you give your peace of mind away by criticizing and judging yourself?

 

If you wonder if this is true for you, think of a time recently when you made a mistake and reflect on how you spoke to yourself.

 

Were you loving and compassionate or unkind and self-critical?

 

If you noticed that you were unkind to yourself when you made a mistake, ask yourself if you would ever speak that way to a good friend?

 

The answer for most of us is a resounding no, yet we so easily berate and criticize ourselves.

 

But what if we chose self-compassion instead?

 

At any time, we can decrease our stress and anxiety by choosing self-compassion. We can accept all of ourselves and recognize that we made a mistake but we are not a mistake. We have the power to transform our feelings of unworthiness by not feeding that misperception with negative self-talk, blame, and shame. Self-compassion then becomes the salve on our broken hearts and the beacon of light in the storm of our lives.

 

I am inspired by Brene Brown’s wisdom, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

 

Self-compassion allows us to be brave and accept our darkness and our light and gives us the power to own our story instead of running from it.

 

May you commit to making the world a little brighter by embracing the healing power of self-compassion today and nurturing more peace in the world from the inside out!