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The Nurturing Act of Letting Go

The Nurturing Act of Letting Go By Kelley Grimes at Cultivating Peace and Joy

“Overcoming attachment does not mean becoming cold and indifferent. On the contrary, it means learning to have relaxed control over our mind through understanding the real causes of happiness and fulfillment, and this enables us to enjoy life more and suffer less.” 

~Kathleen McDonald

 

In my last blog I suggested that we spring clean our schedules, step off the hamster wheels of our lives and create more space for peace, joy and meaning. To initiate this liberating process, I recommended that we bring awareness to the activities that require more time, energy, and resources than we have to give, or are no longer fulfilling or serve our growth. Then we need to let them go.

Now this practice sounds simple enough, but for most of us it very challenging. The problem is we get so attached. We are attached to our identity as a helper, to the people we support, and to the expectations others have of us. These attachments make it so hard to say no when someone asks us to help out or volunteer. These attachments fuel our need to be needed and to provide support to others. So it is not surprising that our schedules become filled up with giving and we find ourselves last on our to do lists.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” ~Herman Hesse

And indeed letting go requires courage and strength. Releasing what no longer serves our growth requires that we have faith that there is more than we can see in this moment. Prioritizing time in our schedules to nurture ourselves requires that we let go of the beliefs that we must care for everyone else first and that it is selfish to take time for ourselves.

I love this quote from Pema Chodron that highlights our resistance to giving up thoughts that don’t serve us, “Sometimes we find that we like our thoughts so much that we don’t want to let them go.”

When we bring curiosity to our experience of releasing attachments, we begin to notice the lessons and possibility of growth rather than focusing on how painful it feels to let go. I have found that the more we resist letting go, the more painful the process becomes. And indeed no amount of reassurance from others can convince us to release our attachments before we are ready, even if we believe that eventually everything will work out.

“Let go of your attachments: your attachment to being right, to having total control, or to living forever. This process of letting go is integral to the process of becoming whole.” ~Judith Hanson Lasater

And indeed the practice of letting go is not only transformational, but essential to nurturing ourselves and living an authentic life. There is so much to learn about ourselves and the world. Remaining open to the process of life unfolding requires that we let go of our fixed identities and embrace who we are becoming. When we accept the need to let go, a sense of peace begins to ripple out in our lives.

A supportive mantra I use during times of transition and change is “all is well.” Believing this empowering truth allows me to more easily release my attachments to how I think things should be and open to how life is actually unfolding. Reinforcing this message for myself has been transformative and allowed me not to cling so tightly to my attachments.

“Once you stop clinging and let things be, you’ll be free, even of birth and death. You’ll transform everything.” Bodhidharma

 

  • So what attachment are you ready to let go of?

 

  • What thought or belief do you need to release to support this practice?

 

  • What mantra could help you in this challenging process?

 

  • Where in your life will there be more space for peace, joy and meaning when you release this attachment?

 

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell

 

May you open to the practice of letting go and the life that is waiting for you and may you nurture peace in the world from this inside out!

Kelley Grimes

Sending you so much peace, love and gratitude,

Kelley Grimes, M.S.W.
Counselor, Author & Speaker

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Join the discussion 18 Comments

  • Andrea says:

    The past several years have been a journey in letting go and I have developed an odd mantra: “I don’t care.” It’s not a lack of caring in the form of compassion… it’s more of a way of neutralizing a situation and giving myself permission to let it go. Apparently, for a long time, “caring” meant “take action.” “Not caring” allows me to be more thoughtful and deliberate in my actions.

    • I love your way of reclaiming the word care and giving yourself permission to let it go Andrea. Reclaiming the word care is powerful as is your ability to be more thoughtful and deliberate in your actions.Thank you so much for you thoughtful comment!

  • Love this post, Kelley, especially the lines: “Remaining open to the process of life unfolding requires that we let go of our fixed identities and embrace who we are becoming. When we accept the need to let go, a sense of peace begins to ripple out in our lives.”

    What works for me is to visualize the release and breathe into it as I imagine the attachment dissipating.

    Thank you so much for your inspiration and the reminder to clean up our attachments!

    • Thank you so much Sheila! I love your visualization technique – breathing into it as you imagine the attachment releasing! How beautiful and nurturing. I often visual breathing out what is no longer serving me and breathing in the love and support I need but I had not included visualizing the attachments dissipating. I am so grateful for your wisdom and your comment!

  • This is such a beautiful exploration of “letting go of the bird in your hand.” Who we are is always so much bigger than we think. i learn that over and over again, each time I am willing to step out of my attachment to what is. Being curious as you share here, has been an essential part of my deeper learning. Inner research. Love this Kelley!

    • Curiosity is such a gift Laurie! I think bringing a spirit of curiosity to my life allows the compassion to flow in as I become more aware of myself. Thank you so much for your comment!

  • Being a life-long student of Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite mantra’s is: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? These days I try to always choose happy.

  • Heather says:

    Many years ago I realized taking care of yourself first was huge, now I encourage others to do the same, it’s not selfish.

  • Reba Linker says:

    This is so wise: “When we bring curiosity to our experience of releasing attachments, we begin to notice the lessons and possibility of growth rather than focusing on how painful it feels to let go…” Yes, bring the same curiosity and wonder to this as we do to things we love – and this, too, will become something we love to do! Simply brilliant!

    • Thank you so much Reba! Indeed if we bring this same curiosity and wonder to everything in our lives we will feel a deeper sense of peace and joy and even come to find we love to do it! I am deeply grateful for your comment!

  • Kimberly says:

    This is perfect! I love that you have so many quotes and inspiring tips. This post made me feel encouraged. I am going through this now!

    • Kimberly thank you so much for your kind comment. I am so thrilled you found this post encouraging and I hope the strategies lead you to more ease in the process of letting go. Thank you so much!

  • Sue Kearney says:

    Kelley, wow, timely and poignant to read this, after having just gone through an unexpected, unplanned, and hugely challenging move with a ton of downsizing (aka letting go). I am soothed by your words, and pleased to find a Judith Lasater quote (I love her so much!). Thanks, sharing….

    • Thank you so much for sharing your unexpected process of downsizing and letting go. Since the need to let go can come up continually in our lives in different ways, I often think that bringing awareness and love to the process of regularly letting go can provide a practice to draw upon when the unexpected and unplanned losses occur. I am grateful that my words were soothing and that you have survived your move. Sending you much peace and love Sue!

  • Great post Kelley! So many wisdom nuggets! love the quote by Pema Chodron: “Sometimes we find that we like our thoughts so much that we don’t want to let them go.” And you’re so right, no amount of reassurance from others can convince us to release our attachments before we are ready. Xo

    • Thank you so much Patricia! Letting go is definitely a spiritual practice and we are given many opportunities in this lifetime to practice letting go. I really appreciate your comment!

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